House of Inconsistencies
by Svendances
Summary: Steph's been placed in a safe house, but soon realises that for a safe house it's not all that safe for her mind, especially when she finds out exactly where she is. It's not a Cupcake, it's not a Babe. It's a... story.
1. So this is the Batcave

_So I've been working on this for a while, not that it shows much... I thought I'd try my hand at a Batcave story._

**So This is the Batcave**

I let the cool night air caress my tired body. It had been over forty-eight hours since I had slept and boy was I hearing about it. Every time I moved there was a groan in my bones and muscles. I had spent half of my zombie time exploring the property I had been dumped on; okay, it was more like exploring the house and the ten metre radius around the house that I was allowed to venture into. It was a beautiful place, I just wished I could appreciate it more, rather than dwelling on the facts of my life and the events that had brought me here.

I knew Ranger had brought me here so that I was safe, hence the reason it was called a safe house, but it just seemed too extravagant. It was practically a mansion. There was an indoor swimming pool, a gym, a TV room with a screen the size they use in the cinemas and the kitchen! Well, lets just say I wasn't going to go hungry anytime soon, and with a full staff present looking out for my every need I felt like a princess.

Lying down on the deck chair not far from the back door my eyes began to drift closed. Here it comes, I thought, willing the function of my brain to slow so that I could sleep. The gentle breeze on my bare legs was soothing and I was just about in never-never land when an alarm sounded. Okay, so it wasn't exactly an alarm, it was a single high-pitched beep sounding from the kitchen just beyond the door. Awakened by the noise and unable to will myself into the land of sweet dreams I got up to investigate.

As I entered the house I found Rowena at the bench transferring cookies from a tray onto a cooling rack. She smiled at me as I sat down on a stool near by, propping my head on hands as I leaned my elbows on the bench. "What was that sound?" I asked her on a wide yawn.

"Master Ric is home," she informed me. It was the most she had told me about anything that was going on in the entire three days that I had been here.

I nodded my understanding for a moment before I caught on to exactly what she had said; Master Ric, well obviously that was Ranger, but did she say home? I looked at her as intensely as I could manage in my drained state. "This is the Batcave?" I asked her.

Chuckling pleasantly she replied, "I don't know about the Batcave, but this is where Ricardo lives."

It didn't seem right though, yeah sure, the gym and even the pool made sense, but there was an entire room filled with musical instruments and shelf upon shelf of music by composers that I couldn't even pronounce the name of. And then there was the TV room. Ranger watching TV? It was unheard of!

Apparently I was displaying my thoughts on my face because Rowena was chuckling again. She was maybe twenty years old with long blonde hair pulled into a braid at the back of her skull and a pretty face, complete with sky blue eyes that scared me when I was faced with them in the dark. Luckily though, there was plenty of light in the kitchen. "You'll be able to pose all your nagging questions to Master Ric in a few minutes. I'm sure he'll answer at least one of them."

"So you've noticed his tight-lipped nature as well?" I asked without thinking.

"I wouldn't say tight-lipped-" she began.

"Secretive?" She shook her head. "Enigmatic?" Again, a no. "Cagey?" At this moment I was feeling rather sorry for the poor girl. She hadn't known the awake me at all, she was stuck straight with zombie Stephanie.

"Not any of those either, Miss, I would say he is… cautious… reserved. Do you understand?"

I shrugged, "Potato, potahto," and reached for a cookie.

She slapped my hand away as my mother used to when I was little and said, "I believe it's supposed to be Tomato, tomahto."

Again I shrugged and went for a cookie. She allowed it this time but gave me a stern warning look. Cookie in hand, I made my way through the hall and towards the front door. As I approached I realised that it seemed stupid to meet him at the door of his own home, so I turned at the nearest door I found after that thought and entered a room that happened to be one of the scary, out of place ones. I walked over to the Baby Grand next to the window and sat on the appropriate stool. I ran my fingers over the smooth keys and thought for a moment, trying to remember, in my weak state of consciousness if I had ever sat at a piano before. I settled on an affirmative as my fingers traced out "Twinkle, Twinkle." Once they were through I curled my hand into a fist and placed it on the group of three black keys, a crude little tune I had known as Knuckles followed this action and I was laughing at nothing in particular when I suddenly felt a hand on the back of my neck.

I was afraid to look around, all of a sudden feeling awkward just being in the house.

"Babe," he said, "What's so funny?"

"My piano skills," I replied absently tracing out hot crossed buns as he massaged my neck. "They're atrocious. And to think I thought I could have played cello."

"You're really tense, Babe," he told me, rather than keeping up the current thread of conversation. "What have you been doing?"

I shrugged, it seemed to be the gesture of the day. "Have you ever just sat and watched the blinking light on digital clock for an entire night?" He pulled lightly at my shoulder and I reluctantly turned to face him.

"When did you last sleep?"

Again I shrugged. "What day is it?" I was feeling a little stupid, not the best way to be when a man that was probably still quite annoyed at you was in the room with a gun attached to his hip.

I admit it; I shot Ranger. He had snuck up on me in my apartment, knowing full and well that I was a little high strung, okay, a lot high strung. It was that time of the month and I had a stalker and he had come up behind me while I was checking the window in my bedroom. He startled me so much that I'd managed to get three rounds off before I realised it was him. Luckily for me two of them missed, unluckily for me, one of them hit him in the arm. Through gritted teeth he had told me to get a pair of tweezers and a first aid kit. When I brought him my beauty and first aid kits he told me to go pack a bag. A few hours later I found myself waking up to Ranger pricking himself in the finger with a needle and letting a drop of blood fall into a petri dish at the gate before punching in a seven digit code and driving through the gate up to the very house I was now being held captive in.

"You've been here three days, how long since you slept?"

I started counting on my fingers the hours that had passed since I woke up in the nice comfortable bed upstairs. When that got too hard I started doing an addition sum in the air in front of me, muttering things like, "Carry the three… multiplied by four… take the number of hours spent in front of the window…"

Suddenly I was brought to my senses by a hand impacting with my face. He slapped me! Ranger _slapped _me!! He was so in for a butt whooping…just as soon as I figured out where he went. Where did he go? "Ranger?" I called, sticking my head out into the hallway. I saw him down the hall just entering the kitchen. I plucked some energy from the air and skipped down behind him.

As I re-entered the gigantic kitchen I heard Rowena utter the words "forty-nine hours," probably in reply to a question Ranger asked. Had it really been that long? Wow, I'm amazed I was functioning as well as I was.

Ranger turned to me and grabbed my hand. In the next instant I was being dragged up the stairs to that same comfy bed I had woken up in… forty-nine hours ago! He roughly pushed me down onto the bed and followed down on top of me. His face was mere inches from mine, his eyes boring into mine as he utter two simple yet commanding words, "Sleep Babe." It was as if I had been hypnotised; no sooner had he uttered the words, than I was asleep.

I awoke what felt like only moments later (but obviously wasn't) to the smell of bacon. I wanted to eat it, but the urge to roll over and go back to sleep was even greater. I was just starting to do just that when someone spoke. "Up and Adam, Steph." I knew the voice, but it didn't sound quite right. I groaned in reply anyway and tried a second time to roll over and fall asleep. This time, however, a hand was placed on my shoulder and a mug of coffee waved under my nose.

Alright already, I thought pulling myself into a sitting position, I'm up, there are you happy?

"Thank you, Babe."

Okay that was plain wrong. Ranger doesn't use thankyou! Curse this infernal house and all its inconsistencies!

As I ate he sat in the corner of my room watching me intently as if waiting for something. He said nothing until I had swallowed the last bite.

"Babe, that was dangerous," he stated as if I had just committed the act to which he was referring.

I gave him my best 'confused' look and asked, "What?"

"Not sleeping."

"Why?"

"You may have done something stupid."

"Like that's new and different. I do something stupid everyday of my stupid life! Remember when I jumped of the garage roof?"

"I didn't know you then."

"Sure, but you've heard about it; everyone has. Then there was the time I blew up the funeral home. And the time I-." Unfortunately he cut me off there, I was beginning to roll, I could have listed every stupid thing I had ever done in my life if he hadn't stopped me.

"Babe." Was all he said, and with that single word he managed to tell me to shut up and get a grip.

I waited for the longest time for him to go on, but he didn't. The absence of conversation was making me antsy so I started talking, not knowing what I would say until it came out of my mouth. "How's your shoulder?" I asked. He shrugged in return. "I'm sorry for shooting you, I didn't know it was you. I thought it was-."

Again he silenced me in my ramble. Instead of saying something, which I thought he might, he stood and left the room. I shrugged and swung my legs over the side of the bed and head toward the en suite. After I had run out of hot water I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my hair as I dried the rest of me.

_Looking for some support that might ensure the continuation of this story... If no one likes it i won't continue_


	2. The Realisation

_Right, so obviously I own nothing, being that these are characters created by Janet Evanovich. I am merely boring them for my own... and your enteretainment. Thanks so much for the reviews, i hope there are many more to come._

**2:The Realisation**

As I entered the kitchen a few minutes later I found Rowena kneading a lump of dough on the large bench in the middle of the room. When she saw me she gave me a grim smile. "Master Ric would like to see you in the entertainment room at one o'clock," she told me, returning to her kneading.

"Why do you call him Master Ric?" I asked, hoping I wasn't sounding too stupid, because chances were the answer was obvious.

"Respect, Miss. It is a sign of respect."

I screwed my nose up. "Don't call me Miss, it weirds me out. Call me Steph for now. We'll think of a cool nickname for you to call me later. So what can I call you?"

She looked at me as if I were stupid; guess I wasn't doing too crash hot in the not sounding stupid department. "You may call me Rowena." Gee, she's adventurous!

"Right, so Rowena, how long have you worked for Master Ric?" I snickered a little as I said it.

"I would appreciate it if you did not make fun of my employer's name. And I've been working here for five years."

"How old are you if you don't mind me asking?"

She gave me a little secretive glance before leaning in and whispering, "I'm forty-three."

"What?!" I exclaimed, feeling my jaw drop and my eye widen.

She giggled a little and touched her nose in a telling nature before moving to the sink to wash her hands. I was fed up with her and decided that I would only interact with her when I needed to. She was making fun of me at every chance she got. Only one person is allowed to make fun of me that often, God. God and God alone was allowed to make fun of me, because I was afraid of God; with good reason, I hadn't been to church in three years… okay it's been five years, but who's counting? GOD, that's who!

I looked at my watch seeing how much time I had before I to meet my death. Half an hour, well that's promising; I wonder what I can do in that time? Run away? Probably not; I wouldn't even get past security in half an hour… I guess I could go fiddle with the instruments in the music room; there was a big stringed one I had been meaning to take a closer look at.

As I skipped down the hall, however, I was distracted by voices coming from behind door number two. Needless to say the snoop within required me to stop and listen. I had my ear to the keyhole and was ready to run if the door were to suddenly open when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I managed to not scream only by biting down on my tongue, which in turn made me want to scream even more. Turning slowly to see who had caught me I felt relief wash over me.

It was only Iggy, the Spanish pool attendant. To be honest, his name wasn't Iggy, but in semiconscious state I had been in the past three days it was way easier to say than 'Ignatius' and he didn't mind.

"I don't think you should be listening Stephie," he whispered helping me up from my position on the floor. "Why don't you come to the music room and I shall teach you a bit."

I shrugged; there was nothing else to do. He sat me down at the Piano and showed me where 'middled c' was on the keys and then showed me a piece of music and the corresponding marking on the page for the note he showed me. I had just grasped the fact that each note had a letter name and they only went up to 'g' when he started to talk about sharps and flats and well, I zoned out. When I became aware of him again he was laughing, and there was a good chance he was laughing at me.

"What?" I asked.

He wiped some drool from the corner of my mouth. Confirmed! He was indeed laughing at me! "Why don't you sit over there in that chair and I'll play something for you?"

Shrugging for what felt like the millionth time that day I moved to the arm chair in the corner. For a moment I watched his slender fingers move over the keys as a beautiful sound filled the room then I was removed from the world entirely, aware only of the music that coursed through my veins. The next thing I knew there was a hand on my shoulder gently waking me.

"Babe," I heard Ranger say very close to my ear. I jumped, banging the back of my head on his face at the same time. I heard him utter an expletive, which was weird because I'd never heard him swear before, not even when he was shot, and I knew I was in for it.

"I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, leaping from the chair and turning to face him suddenly wide awake. "You startled me, I was asleep and you just- and I jumped- and I'm sooo sorry!" Ranger held up a hand, telling me to stop, but I was unable to bring my ramble to a halt. "I was asleep! Oh no, I forgot about the meeting! I'm sorry, it this house. I'm either unable to fall asleep or unable to keep my eyes open. Do you have some kind of weird gas leakage here or something? Because I swear this is unnatural. Maybe you should get someone out to have the house checked out." Without my noticing, Ranger had evidently left the room and I had followed because I now found myself just inside the door of the entertainment room. "I- I guess we'll be having that meeting now then?" I stammered.

Ranger indicated to a couch on which he apparently wanted me to sit. I did what was expected of me and he proceeded to lean against the pool table near by. Several minutes of silence ensued until I couldn't take it anymore. "Why am I here?" I asked him, for want of a better topic.

There was a slight lift in his shoulders, which I took to be a shrug and he stated, "Why are any of us here."

_Great,_ I thought, _Just what I always wanted, a pensive Batman._ "I meant why am I here, in this house. In _your_ house!" then it occurred to me, a comment he had made just years before, _"The Batcave is forever, Babe."_ Okay, so those probably weren't his exact words, but that's the general idea of the statement at least. "Oh Christ!" I exclaimed, and suddenly I felt dizzy. I was never going to leave this place! He'd brought me here to kill me! I knew it was too good to be true when he hadn't shipped me off to a third world country! I was as good as dead just sitting here on this couch.

"Babe, relax," was all he said, as if there was nothing-weird going on. How could he do something like this to me? I had always looked up to him! ALWAYS!!


	3. Questions

_I understand that the story is kinda slow and nobody really knows what's going on at the moment, but you have to trust me when I tell you that it will pick up. I just have to get the plot line straight in my head and memorise the map. Hope you enjoy._

**Searching For An Appropriate Question**

I took several deep breaths, deliberately not looking at him at all because I knew that was the way that he would kill me. All I had to do was show signs of weakness. Wait… he already knew my weaknesses and knew that they were many! I was a goner!

"Please don't kill me! I'm too young to die! I have a family!" _I do? well that's news to me…_

Ranger once again held up his hand. He was probably going to tell me that he wasn't going to kill me. "I'm not going to kill you," he assured me. "I fully understand you were under a lot of stress and me sneaking in like that was like asking you to shoot me. I wasn't thinking."

I scoffed at this remark. "Batman, you're always thinking. Why did you bring me here? To your home?" When I uttered the words he rolled his eyes at the ceiling, damn all these inconsistencies. "Ranger, I just-."

"Babe, can this wait until later?"

I stared at him in shock. "Ranger, you asked for me to come here. You brought me to this stupid place. And now you don't want to continue the conversation? What are you?"

"Only human," he replied solemnly, rubbing at he nose for a moment. "I meant can leave the discussion of why until later and start from the very beginning." He moved toward me and sat down on the couch at my side, turning my shoulders so I was looking him in the eye. "When did you first notice you had a stalker?"

I almost let a laugh slip pass my lips. "Hmm, let me see. Maybe, just maybe, it was when he called my cell phone and told me he was stalking me. I think it was then, but I may not be sure."

Ranger let out a bark of laughter that made me jump so high he then had to scrape me off the high ceiling. "Do you know who it is?" he asked once my heart had slowed a little.

Now it was my turn to laugh. I laughed whole heartedly right in his face as if I was trying to prove a point. When I had recovered I merely shook my head in response to the question long since asked. He gazed at me for a long moment in silence and I began to feel awful uncomfortable until there was a soft knock on the door. "Sorry for interrupting," Rowena apologised as she inched the door open once she was given permission to enter. "But Tank is on the phone, he wishes to speak with you urgently."

Taking a long look at me Ranger said, "We'll continue this later okay? Don't go too far."

"Like I'm allowed," I muttered as he left the room.

"This is good!" I managed around a mouthful of whatever she was feeding me at dinner that night. "What is it?"

With a curious look toward her fellow staff members she replied, "Spaghetti Bolognaise. Have you never had it before?"

"Never this good. Where's Ranger? Why isn't he eating with us?" I hadn't seen Ranger since our 'discussion' earlier that afternoon. IT was nice not to be haunted by his presence though. If I had to spend too much time with him the way he was in this house, I swear I would spontaneously combust!

"He left," said Iggy simply, taking a sip of his red wine.

I waited for an explanation, but none came so I busied myself with easting my food as quickly as possible so I could rid my body of their scrutinizing gaze. So he'd up and left without telling me anything. Well I suppose it wasn't like we had made any commitment, it wasn't even like we were in any sort of relationship. It was just a bit weird that he had dumped me _at his house_ for three days, then showed up for the course of what… twelve hours and then disappeared without a trace yet again. ARGH!

After dinner I decided to continue my exploration of the mansion starting with the upper most floor. I realised that there were a lot of steps in this house and that to get to the upper most floor took too much effort, so I started with the middle floor, promising myself that I would explore more another day. Great, I was already thinking like I was going to be here for a while. _Well he did say the Batcave was forever._

I am _so_ not ready for forever here.

I sat back in a small chair just inside the doorway, admiring the room. It was unlike any room in the house. It was full of pinks and purples with lacey curtains and frilly bed covers. _This must have been a room set out for Julie_, I thought sadly. Knowing that Ranger loved his daughter, but that he had no right to her anymore brought a lump to my throat and all I could do for several minutes was gaze around the room in awe. My thoughts soon turned to my own childhood room and what it had looked like. I had never had such lavish frilly covers or pretty pink laces. My room had been filled with hand-me-downs. Mum had never seen the point in going out and buying me new stuff when she had already bought the same things for Valerie, just another sign of her favouritism I guess. Valerie was always the apple of my mother's eye and I was stuck being the stupid cast off girl.

Julie would have been so lucky to have a father like Ranger, if he had ever had time to devote to her. I wondered if Julie ever got to spend any time with her father or if she ever wanted to spend any time with him. These troubling thoughts had me sitting there for what must have been hours because the next thing I knew it was morning and I had not slept. Oops, this seems familiar… oh well.

Getting up from the chair I walked over to the bed and run my hand over it as if assuring myself that it was not an illusion. It was so pretty and so what I had always wanted when I was a child. Poor Ranger.

Wait, did I just express sympathy for Batman? I was going crazy, there's no doubt about that.

I walked slowly down the hall to the next room, wondering what discrepancy I would find there; whether it would be more to do with the daughter he wasn't allowed, or if it would be to do with him. There was so much I don't know about Ranger, I realised, and for once this did not inspire the curiosity that usually came, but left an inkling of fear seeping through my skin towards my heart.

When I came to the next room it was empty, which further increased the fear coursing through me. Why would he leave an entire room empty… unless it wasn't always empty? I entered the room and sat down in the middle of the floor, facing the window, telling myself I was trying to work out the mystery of the house, but really my thoughts drifted to the events leading to this house. Why am I here? _Why are any of us here?_

There may be some validity to the question, I thought after many hours of pondering that simple statement. The house was too far out of the way for him to actually live in, especially with the hours he spent in Trenton. This brought to the flow of thoughts to where I was in the world. Yes, I knew I was at Ranger's "Home", but where was Ranger's "Home"? _It's a secret,_ my inner self told me, reviewing all the Batman movies I had ever seen. _Nobody knows where the Batcave is._ "Except Batman and Robin," I countered aloud. "Ranger is Batman, so who is Robin?" _Isn't it obvious?_ "Well of course it's obvious, Tank would be the safest bet as Robin." But it didn't quite seem to fit for some reason.

Pushing these futile thoughts to the back of my mind I returned to more pressing matters; the events that had brought me to this house. To the Batcave. To Ranger's home. I had to find the reason for everything that had happened. Locate the facts.

The simple facts of the matter were that at any other time I was able to sense Ranger's presence near me. The tingle of my spine; the standing of the hairs on the back of my neck. Why at that fateful moment was I unable to identify him for who he was? Why had my instincts told me that he was an enemy? _What use is asking yourself questions you have no answer for going to do?_ My brain asked me._ It's obvious you're never going to solve this case by sitting here wondering. Get up and find out where that man is._ I sighed and rolled my eyes, getting up from the dusty floor.

Dusty, that was odd. It was the first sign of mess anywhere in the house. Why had this room been forgotten?

As I made my way back down to the kitchen, where I knew I would find Rowena, working hard at her duties. I wasn't sure what drew me to her for the information I needed, she just seemed to be the know all see all of the house… Kind of like my mother. In a moment of sheer humour I wondered if she would go for the liquor and start ironing if I told her I'd blown up a car the previous week. It was so funny that I began to chuckle as I way down the ground floor hall.

"What's so funny?" Iggy asked, coming to the door of the music room.

I looked around at the walls and ceiling that surrounded me as if the answer were written there plain as day. "This house," I replied after a moment, "But it's not really a funny-haha, it's more of a funny-peculiar."

"Really?" he asked, taking my arm as we made our way down to the kitchen. "Why is that?"

I thought for the longest moment before shrugging. "Not sure." How was I supposed to explain to this man about the Ranger I knew? _From the beginning? _My brain suggested as if mocking me. "It's a long and boring story, actually," I amended.

He turned me into a room that was filled with books… wait I know this one… A LIBRARY… and sat me down on a sofa. "I have plenty of time, why don't you enlighten me?"

Looking up at his face I found genuine interest, something I hadn't thought was possible in a male's features. Taking a deep breath I thought back to the very beginning. "Right," I started, "I suppose it all started… five years ago? When I lost my job…"


	4. What Lies in the Past

**What Lies in the Past**

"Right," I started, "I suppose it all started… five years ago? When I lost my job…" I paused, recalling the day in my mind. "… and my car… I used to be a Lingerie Buyer," I explained, "Until the company decided to downsize. So, I went job hunting and eventually went to my cousin for help. I'm still not sure to this very day why I even entered that office that day, I mean, he's the sleaziest slime ball I've ever had the misfortune of meeting, let alone being related to. So I was intending on applying for a filing job, but was eventually convinced by his office manager, a good friend of mine, to take a Fugitive Apprehension position. I had to black mail him into giving me the job, but he did, and well, that's what I've been doing ever since, much to my mother's displeasure." I laughed a bit at this, because my mother was never happy with anything I did, but forged ahead nonetheless. "I had a bit of trouble getting started, considering I had no training and no equipment, so Connie, that's the office manager, got in touch with Ranger to give me some help."

Iggy sat down in the armchair opposite me and leant forward with interest. Wow, life here must be really boring if this has caught his interest. I took a moment to order the events out in my mind before continuing. "We met in a Café and well, from there he became my mentor. He helped me when I needed it, which was quite often, and I helped him when he needed it, which was surprisingly more often than one would think of an ex-mercenary." This statement struck me as strange and I trailed off, pondering.

"I don't get it," Iggy said in his cute Spanish accent. "How does that make this house funny?"

I took a deep breath. "I guess it doesn't. It has nothing to do with anything here. What I was trying to get to though, was Ranger is a man of few words, he practically never talks about his life to anyone. He hides things away in the dark of his mind and never lets it out for others to see… at least, that's how it seems. Am I making sense?"

He shook his head and we both laughed. Once the laughter died off I thought again of how to phrase how I viewed Ranger. "I don't know Ranger all that well," I said simply, "And being here just doesn't seem right. I've only ever known Ranger when he's on the job." _And that one time off the job_, I was reminded. "It's weird," I summarised.

"I see what you're getting at," Iggy nodded. "It's like taking a look inside someone. Seeing the inner workings."

I nodded my agreement, but was only half aware of the continued dialogue as my gaze caught the large hardwood desk at the far end of the room. Without hesitation I rose from the sofa and approached it. The chair positioned behind the desk was green leather and incredibly comfortable, I found was a sat down. On the table top, positioned between two horse head bookends were five books that looked to be well loved; the creases in the spines indicating that they had been read numerous times.

Pulling the first toward me, I settled down in the chair to skim the back. When I came to the last sentence on the cover I looked up to find Iggy standing over me, a curious expression on his face. "Master Ric has sat there many a night reading and re-reading these texts," he informed me as I returned my gaze to the book between my fingers. "He is especially fond of this one." He pulled the second out of the row and handed it to me, flicking on the lamp on the desk to shed some extra light.

I pushed "The Wind in the Willows" aside in order to take a closer look at the book Iggy indicated. "Lysistrata," the front read, "A comedy by Aristophanes." That seemed a little out of character, Ranger, reading a comedy? I shook my head and opened to the first page, finding it was in the form of a play.

Iggy glanced at his watch. "Breakfast should be ready in about half an hour," he stated, "I'll leave you to explore shall I?"

I made an affirmative grunt as my eyes were transfixed on the page, trying to figure out what made Ranger so fond of this book. The time just seemed to zoom by and before I knew what I was doing I was searching through the thousands of books on the shelves lining the walls of the room in order to find out more about this war they had spoken of in the play, the war that the Ancient Greek women had stopped by abstaining from sex. I hadn't been on a quest for knowledge like this in… well, okay I'd never been on a quest for knowledge, but it was invigorating. Sitting on the floor amid piles of open books each one revealing more about the war and the reasons behind it than the last. I delved into the Greek mythology, remembering lines that had caught my interest like "Poseidon in a tub," which was in reference to a myth about these two gods that did the deed and the chic gave birth to twins but abandoned them naked in a washtub. Everything was so intriguing; I wondered why I hadn't discovered this earlier.

A great many hours had passed before I was disturbed from my knowledge quest. Iggy was at the door, wondering if I intended on eating anything at all today, as it was nearly dinnertime. As if on cue, my stomach growled. He laughed and helped me off the floor.

After dinner I returned my thoughts to all the questions roaming around my head. There were way to many to keep track of mentally, so I decided I needed to write them down.

_Julie's room?_

_Empty room?_

_Music room?_

_Lysistrata?_

_Why am I here_

I reviewed my list and decided that I needed to reorder the items.

_Why am I here?_

_Empty room?_

_Lysistrata?_

_Music room?_

_Julie's room?_

Nope, still not right. What am I missing?

_How Ranger not know about stalker?_

_Why mistake Ranger for stalker?_

_Why am I here?_

_Lysistrata?_

_Empty room?_

_Julie's room?_

_Music room?_

There, that's that sorted. Now, what can I spend the rest of my night doing? I wondered down to the music room, thinking I may as well fiddle with some keys for a while, it wasn't like I would get to sleep with all these questions running through my mind. Sitting on the piano stool, I was bored of the same old keys, I needed something new to occupy my attention. I walked along the row of shelves, opening some of the books to find the squiggley lines and dots I knew were music, and then I found a book called Cello for dummies. It wasn't with the rest of the music, it was on a music stand next to an awkward looking stringed instrument. I opened it and found I actually understood the instructions.

As I sat down on a nearby chair in order to peruse the book some more I felt his presence in the room _Fantastic! Time for questions_. I spun quickly to face him. "Ranger!" I exclaimed, before he had a chance to do or say anything.

He froze in the doorway, his warm chocolate brown gaze locked on mine. "Babe."

"I have some questions about, well everything. About the house, about the rooms, about me, about….EVERYTHING!" I couldn't help rambling a little, he just made me so nervous. He nodded and indicated for me to sit down as he sat at the piano. _I swear, if he starts playing that damned instrument I'll scream._

Ranger's fingers danced across the keys not making a sound for just a moment, then he began to play a soft melody. I kept my promise I screamed. He stopped abruptly, giving me a curious glance. "What's wrong?"

"This house!" it was all I could do to keep myself from yelling. "Everything is so wrong!! Batman doesn't play piano, or any of these other instruments. Why is there an empty room upstairs that hasn't even been cleaned? What's with that Lysistrata thing? How did you not know about my stalker? Why did I mistake you for my stalker? WHY AM I HERE?" the last demand was significantly louder than the rest. The list be damned

Ranger gave heavy sigh, settling himself sideways on the stool as I paced impatiently in front of him. "I've played piano since I was four, the other instruments I can play to an extent, but I've teaching myself, so it's not that good. The empty room upstairs is the one I shared with Julie's mother for that brief time in my life, I don't care for it as it brings too many thoughts to mind. The Lysistrata thing, as you so eloquently put it, was an interest of mine in high school Ancient History, and it has proven to come in handy of late. I didn't know about your stalker because I've been out of the country. I have no idea why you mistook my for you stalker. And last of all you're here because you needed to be in a safe house and this is the safest house I know."

"Not to mention the biggest," I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest and returning to my seat at the cello. I picked up the big wooden, stringed thing and the bow or whatever it was called and pulled it across the strings, grimacing at the harsh sound it produced.

"Would you like me to show you a bit?" Ranger asked, standing from the piano and closing the distance between us.

_I know, I know, I've asked more questions without reveal the answers to previous ones. I promise, the answers will come! Please let me know what you think, constructive critcism is welcome._


	5. A Glimpse at Reason

**_Standard disclaimers apply: not mine, just borrowing._**

**_Sorry for the long wait on this next chapter, and yes I know its a cliff hanger, but I don't like reading long chapters and therefore don't like wrting them; it was getting a little long so here it is. ENJOY!_**

**Chapter 5**

I felt his warmth surround me as he leaned over the back of my chair to reach the stringed instrument before me. Shivering involuntarily I decided that the time for straight answers was now. I shrugged his arms away from my body and stood so that I was facing him, arms crossed once again over my chest.

"Why here?" I asked, "Why the Batcave?"

Ranger gave a small half smile at 'Batcave'. He knew that I fancied him as some kind of a superhero, albeit unwisely I must say; deep down inside I knew that he was just a man, but he didn't seem like one. "I told you already, Babe, this is the safest house I know."

"But it's _your _house, Ranger. I'm not ready for the Batcave, I still have things I need to do with my life!" I know, I know, I was getting irrational, but this issue was really worrying me.

"Babe, calm down. What are you on about?"

"I'm not ready for forever!" I cried, tears streaming down my face, although I'm not sure why. Hadn't I always fantasised about the Batcave? Of course I had, so what was the big deal now that I was here? I glared at Ranger from behind tear filled eyes and found his face overcome by an expression of confusion. Okay, I was going to scream, no really I was going to scream!

"What's wrong?" he asked, reaching out to caress my arm as I folded them across my body. "What are you trying to tell me?"

Great, Mr Man-o-Mystery can't even remember what he told me! "You said that the Batcave was forever! That if I ever went there I wouldn't leave! AND NOW I'M HERE!!!"

He shook his head slowly, trying to comprehend the situation, then, apparently he saw the error of his ways. "I never meant that," he told me.

"Well it seemed like you meant it to me. I mean; you NEVER show emotion. Not even on our night; even then it was all business. Now suddenly it's the Batcave and laughter! What is wrong with you? Do you have some kind of defect? Should I take you to the hospital to get your head x-rayed?" By now I was pacing the length of the room my hands flying every which way with my Italian temper. I could see on his face that he was not liking the conversation, but I wasn't going to let it slide, I needed answers and I needed them NOW!

"Babe, you need to calm down, you're just going round in circles." Easy for him to say; he probably knew all the answers to life.

"IT'S NOT THAT EASY!" I screamed, practically pulling the hair from my head. "MY WHOLE PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE HAS BEEN THROWN OUT THE WINDOW AND I DIDN'T HAVE A SAY IN IT!!"

Before I knew what was happening he was pushing me along the hall and into the TV room. I was shoved into an awesomely comfy chair and Ranger was off in the corner fiddling with switches and knobs. Tee hee hee, knobs… Oh honestly Steph, get your mind out of the gutter.

"I want you to pay attention to this, Babe. It's important to me."

After a moment the screen came to life and I recognised the handiwork of a homevideoist. After a moment the camera steadied and focused on a hospital bed, in which sat a young boy with a huge grin. In his arms was an equally huge bear and as the camera zoomed in there came singing from behind the camera. The female voice was recreating her own version of happy birthday causing the kid in the bed to smile. "Thank you so much Cecilia!" exclaimed the boy squeezing the bear in his arms.

"It was nothing squirt," said Cecilia placing the camera down on what one could assume to be a table and coming to sit next to the boy. "So hear we are, day three, with any luck they'll let him leave this afternoon; isn't that right Ricky?" The boy giggle as Cecilia tickled him intensely.

A moment passed and the pair sobered and looked at the camera. "We hope you get this, Mum and Dad. We'll never forget you."

"Sending our love," Cecilia continued, placing her hands in the shape of a heart on her chest as Ricky did the same, then as one they moved the hearts toward the camera.

Ranger, who was now sitting on the arm of the chair pressed the pause button on the remote and turned to face me.

"That's you isn't it?" who was I kidding? Of course it was him! "Why were you in hospital?"

"Hyperglycaemia."

"Big word, what does it mean?"

He gave a tight smile. "I'm a diabetic, Babe. Although we didn't know before that."

"What do you mean you didn't know before that?" I know, I know, but its in my genes! I'm curious genetically!

"Mum had always closely monitored everything I ate and never told me I was diabetic. This was my first birthday without them and Cecelia organised my party… I guess she didn't know either and well I had a lot of sugar that day."

"What happened to your parents?" I asked, turning in my sear to face him.

"No one knows really. One day we just woke up and they were gone; all we found was this note. He pulled from his pocket a well read piece of paper and handed it to me.

_Ricky and Cecilia,_

_We're so sorry, but we had no choice. This was the only way. Don't worry about us, we'll be okay. And so will you, we've set up an account for you Cecilia, please take care of your brother._

_Remember we always love you._

_Mom and Dad_

I finished reading and returned my eyes to the frozen image on the screen of young Ranger and his sister arms outstretched to send there love. "I guess it never got to them then," I concluded. He nodded and pressed the play button again.

**_Please review, I need to know if I need to fix anything up. Hope you like it so far._**


	6. A bit of an Interlude of sorts

_Sorry about practically always posting in bunches, but I try to milk my moments of storyline inspiration for all they're worth. They're getting more and more sparse. I had a brilliant idea for this story while finishing off "It's a Girl Thing," so I came straight over and got my ideas down. Hope you enjoy it._

**Chapter 6**

The image of the hospital room disappeared and was replaced with a full hall of people. As I watched the camera panned the crowd before focusing in on the stage. Slowly it zoomed in so that there was a clear image of a boy sitting at a piano, he smiled and waved at the camera before positioning his hands on the keys. The melody that ensued was soothing and gentle and completely relaxing. It lifted me from my thoughts and had me floating in the air without a care in the world. My eyes drifted closed and before I knew it I was waking from a deep sleep.

There was music playing from somewhere and I was reminded of how I had managed to fall asleep, the beautiful ebb and flow of the piano as it took me to heights previously unknown and then gently lulled me into sleep. It was the best sleep I'd had in years, I felt fully refreshed. This is probably what bears felt like after their long winter's nap. As I followed the sound of the music I realised it must be coming from the music room, and made a beeline for it.

I sat down on the piano stool next to Ranger and he smiled sadly at me, but continued to play. He was so different here, it was like stepping into an alternate reality. He was expressing emotion and HE COULD PLAY PIANO!!! He was relaxed mostly. It was only when I asked how long I would be here, or why I was here that he tensed. Each time he I asked he changed the topic.

"Why did you want to show me those clips?" I asked, watching as his face creased with a kind of sadness I couldn't quite comprehend.

"I needed you to know about me," he replied. "I didn't want you to leave thinking I was just some military robot, perfectly manufactured so that I was invincible and didn't make mistakes."

I puzzled over this one for a moment or two. "But Ranger, I know you make mistakes. I've seen you hurt. I know you're not invincible. And I know you're not a super hero." Whoa, back a bit, where did that one come from? _Did _I know that he wasn't a superhero? That had just kind of slipped out before the thought had occurred to me.

He was laughing a bit at my look of shock. "I had to prove it to you," he said, shaking his head a bit. I opened my mouth to ask another question, but Ranger stopped me by speaking. "I just want to know that I'm sorry for everything that I've done to hurt or upset you over the years. I'm sorry I sent you back to the cop. If I had the chance to do it all over again I would make sure that you were mine."

"What are you talking about?" I had officially lost track of the conversation in the course of about three seconds. He was talking as if he would never see me again. Was he shipping me off to Botswana after all? I panicked a little at that thought. At this very moment, there could very well be a car pulling up to the gate to take me to the airport to be loaded into the cargo area like a dog and set down in some remote part of the world where they had never heard the word Macy's and hygiene was a foreign language! "Ranger, what aren't you telling me?"

He shook his head and stood, taking my hand in his. Following his lead I found myself in what I had assumed to be the equivalent of a living room. He sat me on a couch and pulled a box from under the coffee table. It was label Steph Memories. Aww… maybe he was saving them up so we could scrapbook them later in life! I must be losing my mind. Did I just think about scrapbooking with Ranger? Opening the box and sitting down on the coffee table so he was facing me he began to hand me various photographs and bibs and bobs. As he handed them to me I gazed at the totally flattering pictures of me. I had never looked this good, and I wasn't even posing! After a while I realised that many of the pictures had flaming cars in the background. Well, you take what you're given. There were even a few of me and him, which confused me. I figured he had been the one to take the photographs.

When I asked him about it he told me that the guys liked to document all their assignments with at least one picture. I was pretty sure he was lying, but couldn't be bothered fighting him for the truth right now. I was content to simply sit there and look at these photos.

_Please review. I have the ending all worked out, so it shouldn't take too much longer until everything becomes clear. _


	7. A Conversation To Change

_**Thanks to all those who reviewed my last Chapter. It really made me want to get this one out. Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 7**

A few days past and I just kept getting more confused. Ranger still hadn't sent me off to that third world country. In fact, for a guy whom I had recently shot in the arm, he was being awfully nice to me. It made me wonder what his motives were. Maybe he was lulling me into a false sense of security, then when I least expect it POW I'd be outa the country before you could say "One way ticket please."

One day he sat me down on the back patio for a serious chat. I could tell it was serious because he had his blank face on and wouldn't answer any of my questions.

"Babe, there's something I should tell you."

"There's something I need to ask you," I countered.

"I need to go first."

"No I need to go first." I was feeling very mature at this point in time.

"What I have to say will affect the rest of your time on this earth."

"What I have to ask will affect my comfort in your home until such a time as you decide that the Batcave really is forever."

"Babe. Trust me, I'm pretty sure the Batcave is forever."

"WHAT!" I screamed, "You tell me it is, then you tell me you didn't mean it and now you take it back?? What is wrong with you? Is my life so hilarious that you like to mess with my head just to get the full effect? You're SICK!"

Sighing, he said, "Relax," and that was it.

We were silent for several minutes before I found the courage to speak again."Why haven't you shipped me off to a third world country yet?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I would never do that to you, Babe."

"But I shot you!"

"It was just a flesh wound," he countered.

"You didn't even yell at me though! When Bobby shot you, you screamed your head off at him. With me you just told me to get the first aid kit."

"Babe, please there is something very important that I think you should know."

"Well out with it already. We're not getting any younger."

He sighed heavily. "It's a very hard topic to bridge Stephanie. You have to give me a moment." I nodded my assent and twiddled my thumbs while he had his moment. "You're not here."

I snapped my attention back to him. "What are you talking about? Of course I'm here. How else would you be talking to me?" as I was rambling I realised that he probably meant I wasn't here mentally and this slowed my cascade of words. "Sorry, you were saying?"

The corner of his mouth lifted ever so slightly. "You aren't… that is to say, you're not… um…." Hang on just one ticket; was Batman lost for words? This couldn't be. "You're a delusion," he finally managed, although I don't think that's what he was originally going to say. Times like these make you wonder.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked, hoping there was some kind of street meaning for the word and that I wasn't going crazy.

"Its hard to tell. But I think if I step back from this for a while things will clear up."

"What do you mean clear up? Is the stalker after me to get to you? Am I in mortal danger at the moment? What are you going to do?"

Ranger's face was in his hands and his elbows were on the picnic table between us. "I don't know, Steph, I just don't know. This is the hardest thing in the world for me okay? And you're not making it any easier by hanging around!"

Confusion furrowed my brow as I processed his last exclamation. It wasn't like I could just leave. He's got security so tight I can't even fart without it being reported over three radio frequencies and televised straight to a control centre somewhere in the back of the house. "I'd leave if I could, Ranger. But you've got me locked up pretty tight."

He nodded slightly, not saying anything. I waited several moments, knowing that there was more he had to say. "I'm going to step back and just let things flow for a while and see what happens."

And that's how it was, although I wasn't sure how it had happened or what he was stepping back from. So it all seemed very much the same to me.

The day after our little chat flowers started arriving in the front hall. Before I knew it they filled the hall, the office and the living room and I couldn't take two steps without sneezing. Tank came around a few days later and it was as if I was invisible. I was standing right there in the hall when he walked in and he didn't even acknowledge me. Bastard. Being ignored isn't really something I take kindly to, but if Tank was ignoring me… maybe he wasn't doing it deliberately, maybe he simply had a lot on his mind and didn't notice me. It wouldn't be the first time.

Going back to old habits, I listened at the door of the study when Ranger and Tank went in there to discuss private matters. Well, I was assuming they were private, considering they closed and locked the door. It was a very quiet conversation and I had to strain my ears to be able to hear it. But I was very practiced in the art of keyhole listening, so it didn't much matter.

"How are you holding up?" Tank asked Ranger.

_**I'm sorry to leave this chapter like this. But I had to get your minds racing a little more, I was craving it. Don't worry, you will get to hear the entire Ranger-Tank conversation just as soon as I get it out of my head. Please review.**_


	8. The Bigger Realisation

_Okay, I couldn't delay it any sooner. I had it finished and had to post it. This is the final chapter of House of Inconsistencies. I hope you have all enjoyed it. Thanks to all my faithful reviewers._

**Chapter 8**

"How are you holding up?" Tank asked Ranger.

"I don't know man. It's just so hard to get it through to her. She won't listen! She just ignores anything that will upset her." I imagined Ranger shaking his head at that moment. I so did not ignore anything that upset me.

"Just like you wouldn't listen when I told you?" Tank asked.

"Its different man, I listened, I just didn't believe you. She just plain won't listen. What am I supposed to do?"

"You may have to show her what you mean," He told his friend. "It's the only way she could possibly pay attention."

"Visual stimulation." I felt that Ranger would be nodding as he said this.

"Remember, I'm here for you, if you need anything. Just say the word."

There was a long moment of silence between the men before Ranger spoke up. "Actually, would you be able to talk to her? I don't know, maybe she'd listen to you. Man, I have no idea what to do. I can't leave without her."

"I know, Ric. I'll see what I can do. Where is she?"

"Either in the hall or in the music room," Ranger replied.

Mere seconds later the door opened and Tank smile down at me. "Hey Bombshell. How are you?"

I eyed him suspiciously. "I'm fine. You?"

"I'm good. Ric asked me to have a chat with you." He indicated back at the door from which he had just emerged.

"I heard." I couldn't help being short with him. Something was going on and I don't think I was going to like it when I found out. "Whats going on?"

"We'll get to that. Why don't we see if Rowena has any cookies."

Oh no. I was being allowed cookies. Something was definitely wrong. My family is dead? Rex is dead? The stalker is inside the building? Jehovah's Witness in the neighbourhood? All were equally terrifying concepts to grasp. He lead me down to the kitchen and sat me at the bench, then place a plate of cookies in front of me. "Speak." I told him.

I half expected him to bark like a dog, but to my relief he smiled a little and started up the dreaded conversation. "Do you know why you're here?" he asked me.

I nodded slowly. "I had-slash-have a stalker. Ranger came into my apartment. I mistook him for said stalker and shot him in the arm. This is my safe house."

Tank took a moment to process all that I had told him, nodding slightly. "I'll give you part marks," he told me. "You have to promise me that you'll listen to everything I tell you now and not interrupt. Okay?" I nodded feebly. "Do you promise?"

"I promise, Tank, just tell me!"

"Okay, but cut me a little slack, this is a hard topic to bridge."

"So I've heard," I mumbled.

"Steph, please."

"Okay, okay. I'm listening."

"The day Ranger came to your apartment, he wasn't the only one there with you. The stalker was there too. Yes you shot him, but yours wasn't the only bullet flying. After your gun fired, the stalker panicked and fired off two rounds, one at you, and one at Ranger. In return Ranger fired a round off at the stalker."

It took me several moments to understand that this had happened. "Then what-."

"Just let me finish," he interrupted. "You need to understand what I tell you next. It's the only way you're gonna get out of here."

"What do you mean the only way?"

He held a finger to my lips. "This place is just a thing of your subconscious. Its not real. None of it is real."

"How can it not be real? If this isn't real we're not really talking."

"You're in the hospital, in the ICU. You've been in a coma for two weeks. The only way you're going to pull yourself out of it is if you understand that what you're living inside your head isn't real."

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked.

"Believe that you will return to us."

"But if everything is in my mind how am I supposed to get away from it? I've never been able to hide from my thoughts."

"Just keep repeating the truth to yourself."

"We're waiting for you, Babe," Ranger said from behind me. I turned to find him in the doorway to the kitchen. "We believe in you. You can do this. You have strong will."

"This isn't real," I said. "This is just a dream. I'm in a coma. Ranger is waiting for me. I need to wake up. This isn't real. This is just a dream. I'm in a coma. Ranger is waiting for me. I need to wake up. This isn't…"

There was soft conversation somewhere to my right as I slowly became aware of my surroundings. My head was hurting and even the whispers in the room made it throb. I was afraid to open my eyes, because I knew the room would be bright, and that didn't bode well for my head. Someone made a 'shh'ing noise close by and the room went quiet. "Her breathing's changed," a very familiar voice said next to me.

Before I had time to take another breath, someone had enclosed my hand in theirs and was rubbing its back with their thumb. "Babe?" It was Ranger. "Are you awake?"

I groaned a little. "That depends," I told him. "Do you plan on turning the light off and talking in whispers?"

"Anything," he said softly, and I could hear laughter in his voice. I felt the change in the room as the lights were turned off as much as I heard the switch click.

"Are you awake now?" Tank whispered from a little further away.

"Uh huh," I managed. "What happened?"

"What can you remember first," Ranger countered.

"I remember I was in the shower and I heard the door to my apartment open and close. I got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around me and grabbed my gun. When I reached the bathroom door there was a man standing not far away. I didn't recognise him, he turned toward me, his own gun drawn and I shot. Then I realised it was… Oh, God, Ranger I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay. It's only a flesh wound." This statement gave me a sense of de ja vu, but I ignored it as he continued talking. "Do you remember anything after that?"

"It gets fuzzy about there," I admitted.

"Well, the stalker was in your bedroom. When he heard someone entering he came to the door. When you fired at Ranger, he panicked and set of a few rounds in Ranger and your general direction. You must have been startled and slipped on the floor. You feel back and hit you head on the toilet."

"Shit," I croaked.

"That's what we thought," said Tank. "Ranger managed to squeeze a shot into the stalker's temple."

At this point a phone went off right next to my head and I screamed. Neither did good things to my head, and I demanded that both the men leave so I could get some rest, and maybe some painkillers. In reality I wanted to puzzle over the dream I had had. It seemed so real at the time. I'd have to ask Ranger about the Batcave sometime, maybe even get him to take me there.

_You should all know that I would never kill off Steph… okay maybe I would; but only in one shots. Sorry for any confusion I have caused. Keep your eyes on the skies!_


End file.
